KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Why is he moody after being clean?

Iselita	Why is he moody after being clean? I don't get what's going on, maybe I haven't had a real relationship and there are things i don't understand. Let me explain...... Most of you who have read what I write, had read about my issues with my boyfriend. Lately he has been clean for a while he was being wonderful. Loving supportive, happy and I wasn't happier and more thankful. But sometimes he has his days where he is such an a$$. Like when he is good to me he comes in the house and gives me a kiss calls me all day from work. Asks how i am doing. But then all of a sudden all of that stops and when he walks in the door he totally disregards me. He's been having disturbed sleep but is eating like crazy (can users have a huge appetite and still be using?). It hurts my feelings because he acts like he doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't know what to think, Is he being moody? or what? I am pregnant so I'm extra sensitive. Is marriage suppose to be this way? Is this normal? Am I over reacting? It's a rollercoaster, like I mentioned all of a sudden he loves me and then all of a sudden I am like this fly that is flying around him that he runs away from. What do you guys think?
Replies...
Guene	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? Sweetie, first of all, have you talked to him about this? You said you are pregnant and we do tend to get our feelings hurt real easy at that time. Does your boyfriend work? Maybe he had a bad day at work, we can't always be up, we as people do have bad days Hon. I hope that you talk to him and I pray that its just a bad mood. I do know that when my daughter was quitting she was moody and mean sometimes. They seem to go up and then go down. But I don't know your boyfriend and I hope that someone who knows more will answer your question better, but I do know that you should always talk things out with your husband, or at least try, I've been married 32 years and that's something I learned, talk!! it out.
guestwho	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? People that quit are going to be moody for a while. I am not sure that is the situation with him or what. Probably so if you are sure he has quit. People can be insensitive. We men, sometimes don't understand what a pregnant woman goes through. I wish you the very best. Remember keep working on you. You are doing really well.
Iselita	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? one of our main problems is communication, i try to talk things out and it is nagging to him. I do notice myself being rude because i get mad and that causes him to be mean back. That is where it all starts, I do notice him trying though. He has all kinds of problems with his health and his nerves is the biggest one. He hasn't slept well for 3 days he has to concentrate and anything can set his nerves off and disturb his sleep. Who knows I hope that this will make us grow and it will be worth it. I hate it how I blame myself and get so obsessive I start to call him continuously. I hope to learn not to do that when I go further with my counseling. So can an addict still eat large amounts of food? I couldn't, He just has really disturbed sleep.
guestwho	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? *Quote:* I hate it how I blame myself Remember that. Don't blame yourself. I can see where it could be other things besides him using again. I wouldn't worry about that right now. Don't push that issue. The truth will come out if he is. I couldn't eat a lot when I was using but I guess everyone is different. Did he eat a lot when you knew he was using? That's what I would go by. Remember to relax. You are carrying a baby. Either he will stay clean or he won't. IF he doesn't, you can make your decision when the time comes to do this. Just don't blame yourself. You are going through tough times too and you are carrying his baby. Leave all of that be for a while. It'll be ok.
Iselita	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? Thanks, yeah i need to not check his phone because sometimes I see calls from crack heads the ones that bug me are the ones from girls. It ruins my day he doesn't answer then sometimes he will answer and talk for a minute (i check the time and everything and length of call) For the most part he is doing good. He didn't eat at all when he was using. He got all pale, who am i kidding i know the signs I guess I have to understand that we have our days. I am just emotionally needy and weak, vulnerable, and have a slow self esteem. It is usually when it comes to him (i hate, hate, hate that) because everywhere else i go i walk in like i own the place. Just venting i guess
sickids gurl	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? I don't really know your situation or how long your man has been clean but, just because he is in recovery doesn't mean it will be as though a magic wand has been waved and all is perfect. I understand that your pregnant I've been there twice. So I know how emotional you probably are and maybe even needy. Understand that your man is also going to be going through some emotional ups and downs of his own comparable to what you go through in pregnancy. His body and mind are used to being overloaded with chemicals similar to dopimine and now that he is no longer giving his brain that anymore mood swings are defiantly "normal". Hang in there and things will most likely smooth themselves out. And about whether or not he would have a huge appetite.... IMO No I used to have to force food down one bite at a time with a drink of water almost like every bite I took was a pill I was swallowing. Stay hopeful and maybe seek out an Alanon group if there is one in your area.
forget suzette	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? When you are high, it blocks out all the things that "normal" people are in tune with. ...What we've done is we escaped reality, as we'd hoped... but escaping reality, is insanity. So you are sitting on a dung pile knitting for eternity like a happy idiot.....when you come down. Gravity, is apparent. ...your mind is thick like dough. it's so hard to shower, get your stuff together and see anyone.... .....you can't find what's clearly sitting in front of you... when you take a shower you can't really feel water hitting your skin...you really can't function. ...you can't "put on a happy face" and passably act like a person who is "with" the world.....a dud...for about 2 months.... .................little by little it lightens up. you start feeling so grateful to TEARS, that you can "feel" something again.... ...and for brief moments..... that you weren't despairing. you feel a grateful to god feeling, because, your SOUL, the real you that emerges from the wreckage to shine thru. ......and the real you morns. the realization hits. ....you start remembering things, that happened when you were high... ....that you translate into realistic terms, instead of meth illogical terms... ....you begin to hurt emotionally....as physically throbs in the background like a kids car stereo with bass. the tears, the regret, the remorse, the horror, the wasted time, the waste of your life, you weren't in your own life. you stole, a sold, and hustled for this piece of hazardous waste... ....the realization hits you that you are a piece of SH!T Everyone has contempt for you, you are perpetually in the dog house, giving' the fish eye, tension...suspician, disappointment, hurt eyes all around you...you are an A**....you were at LARGE ....an idiot........... a farrell human. ....people think you are using, or going to relapse, and you aren't...or trying not to.the heavy feelings. the next phase.... ...I don't belong here. I want to go back to the place with no pain...I destroyed my life, family, friends, bonds, trust. I'm worthless...all I got left is meth. the things you neglect...self, relationships, bills, times (graduations, weddings, birthdays, xmas bla bla bla ...............it all hurts so bad and is so overwhelming. ..We're wrong, and we know it. It's hard, we've all been thru a lot.
Kell happy	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? Suz, yeah wow. You said it. Iselita, I was pregnant a little over a year ago. I remember, everything was way more emotional. I was crying all the time. I still cry easier and my son is 1 now. Stuff is going to be harder right now. Both of your lives are changing. Things are going to go up and down. It is not your fault. Like guestwho said, if things are going bad and he's using, eventually you'll know for sure. Please don't blame yourself for anything. You are only in charge of you, and of taking care of yourself and that little baby inside you. I'm so glad things are better a bunch of the time now. Try to enjoy every nice thing, nice time and talk and moments and things you do together. And don't let the tough times get you down. There's always going to be tough times. The more you two figure out how to talk to each other, the easier it will get. He will figure out how to say what he needs to say to you, and you will figure out how to talk to him, too. He might always have medical stuff that needs attention, or that makes his life a little harder. You guys will figure all that out. It might make things more challenging sometimes, but you will be cool. You keep up the good work. I'm glad you're talking about it. All my love to you both, and that little baby coming.
Iselita	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? Thanks, I need to get my self esteem back up really. I allow so many things to happen to me. But mainly it's because it seems like the weaker I am the more my boyfriend takes advantage of that. He pushes my buttons because I make them available to push. But who knows I am just going to try to enjoy the most out of life.
Jamie J1979	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? Who knows if he's using or if he's just grouchy? As far as checking the phone and what not, it's not going to solve anything. Let it go. Focus on yourself. I think it's great that you started counseling, that is the best decision you've made since I started reading your posts on this site. I know that men hate it when girls get all clingy and needy, it's a turn off. It makes them irritable and rude. They end up taking advantage of you when you act that way. I know that when I had guys acting all needy and clingy it makes me not appreciate them as much and it turns me off. It's hard to respect them when they don't respect themselves enough to have some boundaries and limitations. When I can walk on someone it's hard for me to respect them. Now the flip side--With my boyfriend it's hard for me to respect him because he is still using drugs and not getting his life together. So when he's all strung out I just get disgusted with him and sometimes end up being mean. I try not to be around him when he's like that because I don't want to become that mean spirited person I tend to turn into when he's using or coming down. My boyfriend isn't clingy but he is needy at times and it turns me off. For the most part I was always able to respect him when it came to how he allowed others to treat him, he didn't let me get away with walking on him. Now that I'm clean I tend to not take advantage of others or be a user, I was never really a user much anyway. I was usually the one giving stuff away and being used instead of the other way around. Now that I'm clean I'm trying to avoid relationships with people that either try to use me or people I feel I can walk on because I don't want to do that because it's wrong and it makes me feel like crap about myself. So what I'm saying is try to focus on yourself and become a more independent. A woman that knows what she wants and what she will or will not put up with is a lot more sexy than a doormat that puts up with anything and follows her man around like a dog. The detective stuff is ugly, try to resist the urge to investigate things all the time. What will happen will happen, you have zero control over his actions. Good luck. By the way, how is the pregnancy going? I'm almost done, baby is due 11/05. I can't wait! I'm so excited, this being my first child and all. I'm just focusing on getting ready for the baby and taking care of myself right now. Going to my support group, acupuncture, 12 step meetings, all the stuff that is healthy for me. Take care.
Iselita	Re: Why is he moody after being clean? I know I know I know your right and is say it to myself all the time. That is why he does what he does. I remember how I was with men I was mean to the ones who were needy, Just like you say. I wish we could be friends again, I will get through this and take the advice that has been given to me. I think one of my biggest mistakes was not to take advice. That needs to change